The Beginning

The following is from my first book, 

Reflections of EL: In Search of Self

Chapter 1 - Zero - April 1953

"The innocence of a child can be a parent’s most frightening experience".

I started out as a child, that is to say, I was very young when I was born. During the year of 1952, my mother and father had already made the decision to move themselves and my brother out of their tiny one-bedroom apartment in the Bronx. They landed in a more spacious and newly built cluster of buildings which were located in Harlem, New York.  The entire complex was called Stephen Foster Projects.

From the manicured areas of grass, to the chain-linked posts surrounding them, the place looked like a wonderland. There were numerous playgrounds scattered throughout the three block area and the trees tried not to brush against the second and third floor windows of the buildings.

Our particular building was just off 114^th Street and Lenox Avenue which is located not too far from the north side of Central Park. At the time of my birth in April 1953, this became my home.

We lived in #2J, in a huge two bedroom apartment with a living room and kitchen/dining area. Funny how things seem so much bigger when you’re little. Guess it’s just a matter of perspective.

This brings me to where my story really starts. My earliest memory is of me hiding out from my mother and aunt.

I was sitting, crouched down, in my bedroom closet,  behind two large suitcases. They were pushed back there, up on their ends, in order to make space. The clothing hanging in front of these bags made it impossible to see anything behind them. If anyone could see back there, they’d find a small for his age three year old. That’s because most of the other kids my age seemed to be taller than me. And my brother, who was one year and a half older, was a constant cause of comparison. But he was older so of course he was supposed to be taller.

As I tried to sit on a small red and black shoe container, I could smell the older coats and suits there next to me. I didn’t recognize them so I guessed they hadn’t been worn in a long time. This was the closet that was in my brother and my bedroom but my parents used it to keep their extra clothes. There was one big, heavy grey coat that was fighting me for the right to be comfortable back there. I allowed it to win because it helped me make my hiding place. 

Suddenly, I could hear my mother and my aunt talking in the other bedroom. My aunt had just walked to my parents’ room a minute ago, when my mother called her. She was really nice and was always willing to spend time with me and play. Everybody called my aunt “Little Sister” because she was the youngest child in a family of seven brothers and sisters. Then she became a nun, which made the nickname pretty permanent.

I pushed a little further back into a dark pinned-striped suit and I had to move the sleeve which kept bouncing on the side of my face. Two of the buttons on the sleeve were broken in half. That seemed strange. How could buttons break? The darkness of the closet was scary but comforting in a weird kind of way.

The little brown radio on the dresser with three holes for eyes was playing the beginning of the song” Just Walking In The Rain by Johnnie Ray. I quietly kept trying to whistle the way they did in the song. My cheeks swelled up real big and I perched my lips like my brother showed me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything but blow air out and it just made a hollow, whooshing sound. I could hear someone walking through the bedroom doorway.

“Annie. Where’s Dyllon?” My aunt said.

I tried to be as quiet as a mouse. This was a greatest game of hide and seek I’d ever played. Unfortunately, my mother and aunt didn’t know they were playing this game with me. I held both hands to my mouth so my aunt couldn’t hear me giggling. I could hear a second set of footsteps, as if someone was moving quickly across the brown and black linoleum covered floor, into the bedroom. Of course, this was my mother.

“Dyllon, baby. Where are you?“ my mother said.

There was a slight quiver in her voice but it didn’t sound that unusual. I kept still and didn’t answer.  

“Sister. I didn’t see him walk by the door. Did you see him?”

As my mother said this, she opened the closet door. Thin beams of light fought to make their way back to me but they couldn’t. I was in the perfect spot. My mother glanced quickly around the closet. Since she saw nothing but the shoes on the floor and suitcases to the right, she decided that I wasn’t there. A bit more light brightened my area as she moved away from the closet doorway.

“He must have gone to the kitchen,” my mother said. 

There was fear in my mother’s voice now but I wasn’t aware of it.

I heard the two of them walk quickly out of the bedroom while they were calling my name.

“Dyllon. Where are you?” my aunt said.

Their voices seemed very far away. I guessed that they had gone towards the living room, in the front of the apartment. I moved the coats a bit so I could see but I thought I heard them coming back so I quickly pulled back. I almost hit my head on the back of the closet wall but pushed my left arm back and hit that instead. I felt a stinging pain on my elbow that made me want to cry. I didn’t though. If I made a noise, they were going to find me. I couldn’t know it but my mother was getting more frantic by the minute.

“We didn’t check under the bed,” my aunt said. “I bet he’s hiding under the bed.”

This time it did sound like they were going to return to the bedroom so I decided to surprise them. I pushed pass the large suitcases but it wasn’t easy. Even though they were empty; the cases were heavy. I tried to jump out of the closet but I tripped on my father’s dark brown penny-loafer shoes. As I regained my balance, stepped pass the clothes and stood in from of my mother and aunt who by now were already in the room with their backs turned to me.

I made certain to plant both feet firmly on the floor.

“ME DISAPPEAR!” I loudly said as I stretched my arms out wide.

Now they could see that I had just magically reappeared!

Both of them were side by side, close to the bed. They had turned quickly at the same time when they heard the noise from the closet. My mother looked down at me quietly for a moment. My aunt just stood there smiling with her arms crossed as she shook her head. My mother bent down quickly, grabbed me up from the floor and gave me a big tight hug. I could smell the starch from her newly ironed flowered dress. 

I felt warm and safe. I liked this game.